


A million miles from where we burned the bridge.

by espiritus



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Feels, Awkward Conversations, Feels, but oh well, kinda dialogue-heavy, some salty language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-28 12:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14449104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus
Summary: Mac loved Von more than anything in the world. He didn't think she'd actually agree to Deacon's ridiculous suggestion, but she did, and he was left broken.Years later, he travels from the Capital Wasteland to the Old North Church in hopes of finding some closure... and he does, though not in the way he'd expected.This story follows the events in chapter 5 ofStrange Things Did Happen Here, and the title is a line fromOceansby Evanescence.





	A million miles from where we burned the bridge.

MacCready stands in front of the Old North Church, staring up at the steeple from his position on the ground. It's taller than he remembers, and his stomach flips as he remembers why he's here.

He's been planning this for the better part of a year, and he still doesn't know why he thought this was a good idea. Worst case scenario, Von won't speak to him or tells him to get the fuck out- both reasonable responses, given that he threatened to kill both her _and_ Deacon if he saw either one of them again. But he didn't come all this way from the Capital Wasteland just to chicken out now, so he opens the door and heads for the crypt.

It feels like just yesterday that he and Von came here, looking for someone to decode that damn courser chip- if only they'd gone somewhere else instead, she'd never have met Deacon, and maybe she'd still be around. But it doesn't make sense to dwell on it now; he's made peace with the loss as best he can, for both his sake and Duncan's, and that's all there is to it.

Navigating the tunnel is a breeze, and he even remembers the door code. But, as soon as the entrance clicks open, he's greeted by a small group of agents- he recognizes a handful of them, from when he and Von had first made their way down here, though it's their leader, Desdemona, who addresses him first.

"You there," she says, by way of greeting. "MacCready, right? I remember you- you're Whisper's mercenary friend, or at least you were. My agents have informed me that you pose a threat to us, which means that you are no longer welcome here. Glory and Drummer Boy will see you out."

"No! Desdemona, please- I mean you no harm. I just want to talk to her."

Desdemona says nothing, and the agents begin whispering among themselves. But they suddenly begin to move aside, and that's when Mac notices that it's not Von who emerges from the crowd- it's Deacon, armed with a Fat Man and a glare that says it all.

"What the hell are you doing here, MacCready?" he demands, as though the words taste bad. "Just so you know, Olivia doesn't want to see you. Her safety is my priority, and I won't allow you to endanger any of my people because you think I somehow wronged you. So we can either take this upstairs, or you can get the fuck out. Your call."

"It's not like that," Mac responds nervously, like a child staring down an angry deathclaw. "I'm not here to hurt anyone. I just want to talk."

Deacon side-eyes him suspiciously. "I find that hard to believe," he says. "Given that our last _talk_ ended with you threatening to kill me, I'm sure you can understand why I haven't welcomed you into my house with open arms. If you want to talk, we'll talk. But no funny business, or I'll have the entire Railroad gun you down faster than you can say _Freedom Trail_. "

He lowers his weapon and motions for Mac to join him, and so they walk back up the steps to the main area of the church, followed closely by six heavily-armed Railroad agents. Deacon instructs his entourage to guard the doors, and the two take seats on one of the pews. There's a brief moment of silence, but it's MacCready who speaks first.

"I loved her, you know."

Deacon nods, propping the Fat Man against the pew. "You and me both," he says, his voice softer this time. "No word of a lie, I actually felt kinda bad for you. I knew I was taking a huge risk, but I never expected it would end like this."

Mac scowls his response. "Then why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Don't play dumb," he continues, half-choking on his own anger. "You told her to leave me, come back here with you instead of going to the island. We were happy, and everything between us was fine, until you put those crazy ideas in her head. So I'll ask again: why did you do it?"

"You mean why did I break you guys up?" Deacon asks, though Mac doesn't hear the edge in his voice as he says it. "Here's the thing, MacCready: I didn't. You make it sound like I held a gun to her head and told her to break up with you _or else_. All I did was tell her I loved her, same as you. But it wasn't about you, or me- it was about what _she_ wanted."

"Fine, you smug bastard. If you gave a crap about what she wanted, why didn't you just keep your fat mouth shut?"

Deacon sighs. "If you saw someone you love making a huge mistake and had the power to change it, you'd have done the same. I was just trying to protect her."

"From what, asshole?"

But Deacon doesn't react to the insult. Instead, he stays cool and composed, which is crazy-making in its own way. "From many things," he finally responds, with a meaningful glance in Mac's direction. "Mostly from trying to be something she's not. But she wasn't mine, and so I kept those feelings to myself. I figured you made her happy enough. But, every time I imagined her scraping by, just like every other scavver out there, it hurt me in ways you can't even imagine. And that's when I knew I couldn't just let her go."

Deacon's voice is calm and measured, every syllable laced with affection. It's the same way Mac himself used to talk about Von, how he still speaks fondly of her when telling Duncan stories about his time in the Commonwealth, and the brave, brilliant woman who helped save their lives- some more literally than others. And that's when he comes to the most profound realization he's had in a long time.

"So, that's it, then. You really do love her, don't you?"

"Of course," Deacon answers thoughtfully. "Do you really think I'd come up here with a Fat Man and six agents if I didn't? Sure, people say some pretty horrendous things in the heat of the moment, and I don't blame you for that. I understand that kind of anger. But it's my job to keep her safe, even if it means assuming the worst of everyone else."

Mac's heart is in his throat, beating so hard that it's a wonder he's still breathing. "Fine," he says. "I can live with that. All I want, all I ever wanted, is for her to be happy... and I have to let her, even if it's not with me."

He takes a deep breath and stands, holds out a hand for Deacon to shake. As painful as it is to accept that Von will never be his, he takes solace in knowing that she's safe and loved. It's a small comfort, in the grand scheme of things, but a comfort nonetheless.

"All right. You two stay safe out there."

Deacon nods and returns the gesture. "Appreciate that, MacCready. You do the same."

The silence that follows is heavy and thick, hovering between them like a black cloud. Without another word between them, Mac tips his hat and heads for the Capital Wastes as Deacon and his entourage disappear into the crypt like they were never there.


End file.
